Bin Laden Spotted at CNN
by Jeremy Robb
New York — Osama bin Laden, long thought to be hiding in Pakistan or Afghanistan, is now thought to have been hiding out in the newsroom at CNN. The savvy news veteran has apparently been a senior editor at CNN for over two years, but slipped away before FBI agents could apprehend him. The FBI is keeping an eye on other known al Qaeda cells, like The New York Times, CBS and NPR to see if bin Laden surfaces there.
“He was actually hoping to end the war on terrorism by producing anti-American and anti-military news stories,” said one FBI agent. “Unfortunately for him, no one noticed a difference in the programming at CNN after he joined. He was only discovered when he was reprimanded for producing a news story that called Iraqi terrorists ‘insurgents’ instead of ‘freedom fighters’. He snapped and cut off his supervisor’s head. We’re hot on his trail and trying track him down. He was going by the name Mohammed Mohammed.”
“I can’t believe Mohammed Mohammed was really bin Laden,” said one of Osama’s former co-workers at CNN. “He was such a great guy. We always talked about how much Bush sucks and how we wish Israel would get nuked and how we secretly hated people in the military. Honestly, I miss my friend and co-worker. He made some very valuable contributions to our news coverage.”